Three U's, One Wise Manager: Turning Resistance into Results

Over the years, I've leaned heavily on simple, letter-based frameworks - like the three Ps from earlier articles - because they make processes easier to apply and concepts harder to forget. 

One such framework that proved its worth in real time is the 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗨'𝘀: 𝗨𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, 𝗨𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝗨𝗻𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴. It turned a weeks-long standoff into a clear, productive conversation in just minutes.

Years ago, a staff member dug in his heels against a new procedure. No matter how patiently the supervisor explained the rationale, demonstrated the benefits, or addressed concerns, the employee resisted. Discussions dragged on for weeks. Frustrated but determined, the supervisor turned to his seasoned manager, known for her directness and wisdom. She asked for a brief meeting with the staff member and the supervisor. 

She started by listening - really listening - without interruption. He aired his frustrations: the change felt unnecessary, disruptive, and risky in their unpredictable setting. When he finished, she calmly posed three simple questions that cut through the noise:

• "Are you 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 with the change?"

• "Are you 𝘂𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 to do it?"

• "Or are you 𝘂𝗻𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 to do it?"

Thus, another easy-to-remember framework - this one specifically designed to address resistance to change - was born: the 𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗨'𝘀: 𝗨𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, 𝗨𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝗨𝗻𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴.

She paused, then explained each path forward with clarity and fairness:

• If you're 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, tell me why. We can adapt the process or adjust the steps to make it workable while keeping the core goal intact. 

• If you're 𝘂𝗻𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲, tell me what you need - resources, tools, additional support, or time to build the skill. We'll get you what’s required. 

• But if you're 𝘂𝗻𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 - if this is a choice to refuse despite having the ability and support—then we'll need to find you a different assignment that better aligns with your willingness to adapt.

Standing at the clear fork in the road, the employee had to confront his own stance. He wasn't unable; resources weren't the issue. And once the discomfort was named and separated from outright refusal, he admitted he could adapt - he just hadn't wanted to. Within days, he implemented the new procedure without further pushback. 

In that quiet moment of clarity, the employee found himself at a turning point - not out of pressure, but out of honest self-reflection. Sometimes, all it takes is asking the right three questions to help someone choose results over resistance.